From the Lab Files: Bagging a Bagger

***AUTOMATED UPDATE SEQUENCE 13-5-B***

LAB FILE B-28H-A9

OBJECTIVE: To track down the Bagger 288, one of the largest excavators and land vehicles on the planet, and insert a standard Obsidian Labs AI sequence to its main systems, taking control of the machine and allowing it to run wild.

Expected Result

LOG:
DAY 1: A few years ago, the internet made a big fuss about some pictures of the Krupp company’s excavator over in Germany. At 311 ft tall, 705 ft long, and weighing 45,500 tons, this machine has struck awe and terror into everyone who sees even just an image of it. If, of course, they don’t wrongly claim that the thing looks fake.

I have to have it.

Of course, it’s far too large for me to just steal and run away with. There just isn’t enough parking space outside any of the lab facilities. Thus, my next best idea is what I’ll have to go with, and the more I think about it, the more I think this should have been plan A from the start.

I’ll inject an AI controller into the machine, making it yet another in my army of robot minions. Then I could get it to go on a bender and laugh as it tears around Europe. Literally.

Tomorrow I’ll take the pneumatic to facility Gamma-2-R under London. The other European facilities aren’t yet connected by tunnel lines, so I’ll have to take an Obsidiblimp from there.

DAY 2: Arrived in London without incident. The Obsidiblimp is taking longer than expected to fill, however due to leaks. It should be fully repaired and ready to fly by tomorrow.

Until then, I’m going to go harass some Royal Guards.

I know it’ll make me look like a tourist, but just LOOK at them.

DAY 3: Got punched in the jaw by the guard.
Blimp is ready to fly.
Get me off this blasted island.

DAY 4: Decided to take the scenic route and travel through France before going into Germany. Obsidiblimp snagged on the top of the Eiffel Tower. Losing altitude and have a LOT of pissed off French following me. Going to have to find a good hidden spot to land and then take some wheels the rest of the way.

DAY 7: Took the bus. Didn’t have the right amount of change. I don’t want to log about this. Anyway, I’ve finally made it to the site. The Bagger is even more impressive in person, I can’t wait to teach it to play cards. Going to wait till nightfall and implant the AI when there’s less action.

DAY 8: Left the bloody AI back at the lab. Going back to retrieve it.

DAY 16: Let’s try this again. Waiting till nightfall, this time with the AI.

DAY 17: Injected the AI into the machinery. It will take all day, but the components will replicate whatever internal nervous system is required for the AI program the take over the mechanical systems. By tomorrow it should be capable of thought and escape. Soon I’ll be speeding around Europe on one of the largest machines in the world. Hopefully it won’t drive itself into a ditch.

Of course, this is probably the only ditch big enough to stop it

DAY 18: The AI took hold, but the blasted thing has no desire to do anything other than dig out coal. It just gives out satisfied sighs when it does something related to its original job. I’ve created an Adamsian nightmare and caused literally no change. Perhaps the machine’s overwhelming size caused the replicated nervous system to stretch too far, reducing its abilities. In the end, the Bagger will remain here, pleased with itself like some smug, stoic jerk. Hopefully one day I’ll advance my AI tech enough to revisit this plan and upgrade the machine.

MISSION RESULT: FAILURE

Smug jerk

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